In My Bed Page 4

  I used to spend any free time I had practicing ballet and only ballet; always focusing on my form and my technique. I still love ballet and the way it makes me feel so light on my feet as I move across the stage. But now that I’ve changed my career path from ballet dancer to dance instructor, I’ve learned that there is an entire world of dance styles to explore.

  Dancing gives me the chance to take parts of life and different emotions, and let them flow through my body. And now that I’m not restricting myself to classical ballet, I’m able to pick different types of music and let my body move in ways I never allowed it to when I was en pointe. If I want to put on Bruno Mars and do a grand battement with pirouettes, there’s no one there to tell me that my arms are too stiff and my turns are too fast. If I want to two-step to Tchaikovsky, I don’t have to worry about ruining my posture. I can dance however I want and that’s a freedom that I’ve never had before.

  And it’s completely empowering.

  So every Sunday, I come to this studio and I simply dance without the worry of being critiqued, graded or judged.

  It’s just me and my body moving to the music.

  I put on something slow and start to stretch, sending Rachel a text message to see how it’s going with Jake.

  Me: Let me know how it goes with Jake ;)

  Rachel: It didn’t go anywhere…

  Me: What does that mean?

  Rachel: That means he blacked out and doesn’t remember last night

  Me: Oh no… What did he say when you told him?

  Rachel: I didn’t. I think it’s a good idea that we just keep things friendly… for a lot of reasons

  Me: Rachel…

  Rachel: I’ll talk to you later about it

  Me: :(

  Me: You can come to my room after your meeting

  Rachel: Thanks. See you then

  Her floor meeting should last an hour, and my studio is only a five minute walk from the dorm. That means I have about forty-five minutes here before I have to leave.

  That’s plenty of time for me to dance.

  I take my phone and search through all of my music until I find something that catches my eye. I hit play and let the music possess me, dancing for the entire forty-five minutes.

  ***

  Rachel shuts my bedroom door on her way out and I flop down on my bed. Even though I can see how upset she is that Jake doesn’t remember what happened between them last night, she’s decided that it’s for the best to just move on.

  And I have the perfect solution.

  Me: Hey Nate! It’s Jenna, from last night. Did you want to do a double date with my friend on Friday night?

  Nate: Sure. Friday works for me.

  Me: Perfect. I told Rachel all about you and she’s really excited to meet you

  Nate: I hope you only told her good things…

  Me: There are only good things to tell :)

  Nate: Are you sure? You don’t know me enough to know whether or not I’m bad

  Are we … flirting?

  Me: Let’s hope you’re not too bad. Rachel’s a nice guy kind of girl. I’ll let you know when I figure out the details.

  Nate: Looking forward to it.

  I smile as I read his message before I feel that same little heart skip I felt last night. Completely unacceptable. That momentary giddy feeling I had when I read what he wrote is unwanted and, as I’m learning, a little unavoidable when I interact with Nate. I’m setting him up with my friend, so my heart shouldn’t be excited that we just kind of flirted over text message.

  I put my phone down without responding. Maybe it’s a good idea for Will to finish setting this double date up.

  ***

  This week went by incredibly too slow for my liking. I didn’t get to see Will all week because one of the bartenders from The Grove quit and he had to pick up a lot of overtime. Not seeing Will meant I spent the week in bed with the only guy I’ll ever trust—my battery operated boyfriend.

  But it’s finally Friday night and we’re going on our double date. First we’re going to an early dinner and then we’re going to Sound. It’ll be an early night since Will has a shift to work at The Grove and Rachel has to drive up to Los Angeles for a field trip with some of the kids from her floor.

  Jake is going on the trip with her, and that guy seems to be bringing my friend down big time. Even her Getting Ready Mix isn’t brightening her mood. Nate is a great guy and I want her to give him a chance. If Jake is too stupid to see what’s right in front of his face, then he doesn’t deserve her.

  “Do you like the dress?” I ask, turning around as I look at every angle in the mirror. “Or is it too slutty?”

  “Huh?” she asks, glancing up from the mirror she is using to do her make-up.

  “The dress.”

  “You look great,” she says, trying to smile before she looks back in her mirror.

  “And you like the banana on the collar? You’re sure it’s not too much?”

  “It’s great, Jen. You look perfect. ”

  Ugh. She’s totally in her head right now. When she goes in there, sometimes it’s hard to get her out. I know that she needs to be in there sometimes, but right now I need her in the present and on this date with Nate.

  “Rachel,” I say firmly, finally getting her to really look at me. “Snap out of this mood. Nate’s a really great guy. You’re going to have a ton of fun and you’re going to forget all about Jake.” She still isn’t listening to me, so I lean down, grab her shoulders and look her in the eye. “Trust me. I met him and you’re going to like him,” I finish, smiling at her.

  “I’m sure he’ll be just fine, and maybe he’ll turn into a great friend, but I don’t really know if I’m in a place to start dating him.”

  “You won’t know it you don’t give him it a chance. I really think you guys will hit it off.” And I honestly do think they’ll get along. He’s funny, charming, attractive, and he has those eyes—the ones that have my body responding with just one look. A man with that kind of power is a man who can make a girl forget about things—like dumb boys who kiss you and then don’t remember it. Rachel desperately needs that type of man right now.

  “Fine. I’ll keep an open mind, but my heart stays closed.”

  That sounds like me, and as much as I like that plan for my love life, I hate that she is closing herself off. “I can’t believe that I finally find a guy who’s perfect for you, and the timing is terrible,” I grumble.

  “I told you I’ll be nice. I’ll turn my mood around by the time we get to dinner,” she says with a big, fake smile on her face. Her eyes still look sad. I narrow my eyes and her smile grows even more forced. “See,” she insists. “Look how happy I am.”

  “You’d better be able to fake it better than that, Rach,” I warn, fixing my hair. “And hurry, they’ll be here at five. Will has to work at ten and I know you have an early drive. We’ll have to leave Sound by nine.”

  “That’s fine. I’m not up for an all-nighter anyway,” she replies, frowning again.

  “Hey, frowny face,” I joke. “Turn it upside down and smile why don’t ya?” I’m trying to get her to laugh … and thank god, it works! I was starting to think she would spend all night looking like she just swallowed a bug.

  When I finish getting ready, I look in the mirror and take in my entire look for the night. The short red dress, my straight blonde and red hair, and my dark make-up. I look great, but when I look closer, I’m surprised to see sadness in my eyes. I haven’t seen it there in a while—not since I left New York. I’ve been happy with my life and happy with the way I’ve chosen to live it.

  Deep down, I know something has changed within me and my heart knows exactly when it happened. But I refuse to admit it.

  I know what I want, and it’s not anything more than what I have.

  ***

  Dinner is going great. Nate and Rachel are getting along well and she doesn’t even have to fake her smile. Nate is charming, funny, considerate, and
interesting.

  Then again, I knew he would be.

  And on mine and Will’s side of the table, things are going well too. We haven’t spent any time together outside of his bed, so this is the first time we’ve been able to really talk. We texted a bit during the week, but the only thing I learned about him is his appreciation of a dirty text.

  I know that it’s kind of backward; a person should probably talk to someone and get to know them a little before they get down and dirty. But life isn’t always lived by one set of rules. What works for one person, may not work for another.

  And in my case, I’m pleasantly surprised as I get to know a little bit about Will. It’s all surface level stuff, but honestly, that’s all I really care about anyway since I don’t like to get deep with the guys I’m seeing. Actually, let me clarify—I don’t like to get emotionally deep with them. I do, however, enjoy getting physically deep, but that’s not polite dinner conversation.

  Even though I’m enjoying getting to know Will a little better, I find myself drawn to Nate and Rachel’s conversation. I tell myself that I’m listening to make sure the set-up is going well and that they’re getting along, but I’m really just trying to learn a little more about Nate. He’s intrigued me—that attraction I had that first night is still there just as strong as it was when I met him, and I can’t shake it. It’s driving me crazy, and focusing on Will isn’t helping like I thought it would. The longer I listen, the more I realize that I can’t find a single flaw with this guy. With each new thing I learn about him, the more my body responds. When he tells Rachel he’s going to be starting med school in the fall, I imagine us doing it Grey’s Anatomy style in the on-call room. Then when I find out he’s from the Midwest, I try to avoid thoughts of the two of us having a roll in the hay in his big red barn. And the fact that he’s a drummer … well, let’s just say that I have some pretty naughty ideas for how he could use his drumsticks.

  There are a few heart skips here and there as I listen to him, and if those little missing beats weren’t so hard to ignore, I’d be all over him. Also, the fact that he’s on a date with my best friend puts a stop to any potential pouncing.

  Shut up, stupid heart.

  They’re probably just palpitations anyway.

  By the end of dinner, my thoughts are all over the place and my body is on fire. Who needs chocolate and oysters when Nate is the perfect aphrodisiac? And I’m absolutely hating myself for this because Rachel and Nate seem to be hitting it off so well, but I’m wishing I didn’t set them up. As much as I want Will to be the one to quench this fire, I’m thinking that the only one who can is Nate. But stupid me decided to set this great guy up with my great friend. So instead of experiencing the inferno that would be Nate and I in the bedroom—or anywhere for that matter—I’m watching him start something with my best friend.

  I hate that Will has to work tonight because that means I’ll have to wait until he gets off before I can get off.

  Nate is sitting across from me and we’ve been bumping knees all night which is not helping the situation. Every time we touch, a zing of electricity shoots up my body. Two tall people sitting across from each other at a small table isn’t the best configuration. I lift one foot, trying to get comfortable, and put it back down right on top of Nate’s foot.

  “Oops. Sorry about that.”

  “Playing footsies with me under the table right in front of our dates. How inappropriate!”

  Everyone laughs, including me. “You wish you were that lucky,” I joke back.

  The waitress finally comes back and leaves us the receipts and our cards. “Thanks, sweetheart,” Will says, winking at her.

  She blushes and smiles. “Thanks for coming in. Have a great night.”

  I’m not bothered by the flirting, but when I look over at Nate, he has a hard look on his face as he signs the check. He looks up from the table and right into my eyes—heart skip. “You guys ready to go to Sound?” he asks the group. Everyone gives an affirmative answer and we all get up to leave.

  I can’t wait to get to Sound.

  My body is full of sexual energy and I need to dance.

  Chapter 4

  When we get to Sound, we head straight to the bar area. Nate and Rachel each get a drink, but Will and I decide to go without. Honestly, I’ve been looking forward to dancing with Will all night. I think that dancing with a guy can tell you more about him than sleeping with him. It’s easy to turn me on when we’re naked, unless you’re totally inept. I think it’s more telling if the guy can turn me on while we’re clothed and in a room full of people.

  Kind of like what Nate did to me at The Grove—and then again tonight at dinner. Even though the attraction I have for Will isn’t as strong, there’s still something there. Since I’m not looking for the emotional connection with a guy, I always look for a physical one. How we touch each other and how our bodies move together and interact. There are a lot of things he can do wrong to make me stop seeing him, but he only has to do one thing right—make my body want his.

  And Will certainly knows how to do that.

  From the moment we get on the dance floor, he takes control of my body, using his hands on my hips to pull me close. As soon as I’m pressed against him, his hands slide up until they’re resting on my ribs, his fingers grazing the undersides on my breasts. Most guys keep their hands on my hips, but I like this better. Will knows that I’m a dancer and he wants me to have control of my own hips. I reward him for his generosity by grinding my ass into him, feeling his erection against me.

  There’s no need to work him up—he knows how this night will end.

  He kisses down the back of my neck, his tongue darting out to lick the sweat that has started to form on my skin. Letting out a moan, I reach my hands up behind me and pull his head closer, urging him to keep going. The songs change, the beats roll over the dance floor, and we never stop moving. When I finally turn around to face him and look in his eyes, the only place I feel him is low in my belly—no heart skip here. But that is the way I like it.

  The way I love it.

  When he drops me off at my dorm later that night, he promises to come back over after his shift and I can’t wait to see him. He worked me up so much on the dance floor, I might not be able to wait for him.

  Rachel follows me up to my room after we say goodbye to the boys. I don’t even have to tell her that I want to talk about her date. She just knows. And when we talk, I’m glad to hear that she had a good time. After trying to set her up time and time again, I’m relieved that I finally found a winner.

  I just sort of wish that it wasn’t Nate.

  After Rachel leaves, I turn on a movie and try to relax until Will gets off of work, but it’s not working. I can’t sit still and I don’t know if my mind is the problem or if it’s my body. In fact, it may be both. After spending the night simulating sex with Will on the dance floor, my body is keyed up and ready for release. But even with all of the sexual tension coiling through my body in anticipation of seeing Will, I can’t keep my mind off Nate.

  There’s something about the way he makes me feel that leaves me feeling unbalanced. It’s different, unfamiliar, and unwanted—especially now that Rachel told me she’s going on another date with him. I’m not the type of person to avoid uncomfortable situations, but I’m starting to find that I am one to try and avoid uncomfortable emotions. And right now, I’m feeling a host of different uncomfortable emotions, all of them regarding Nate in some way or another. The biggest one I’m trying to ignore is guilt because as happy as I am that Rachel and Nate hit it off, I wish I'd never introduced them. Ever since he came into my life, I’ve doubted who I am, and the only way I feel like I’m going to avoid these unsettling feelings is to avoid the cause of them. And now that it looks like my friend might be dating him, I don’t know how that’s going to be possible.

  I want my mind blank, clear, and focused, but right now my thoughts are scattered all over the place. And the best way for me to cl
ear my mind and channel all of those emotions is to dance. It’s too late for me to head to the studio, but they keep the practice rooms at school open late so students can rehearse.

  After I change out of my I’m-expecting-late-night-company pajamas and into appropriate dance workout clothes, I slide on my shoes, grabbing my purse as I head out the door.

  The practice rooms are a five minute walk through campus. When I get to the dance building, I swipe my student ID and walk through the door, making sure it closes behind me. The studios are dark with the exception of one. I can see a girl through the window, one hand on the barre, her spine straight and long. I watch the form in each precise movement as she trains her muscles to hold her posture.

  That used to be me dancing alone on a Friday night, perfecting whatever routine I was working on at the time. But instead of dancing for practice, tonight I’m dancing for escape. To move for the sake of movement and to live another life doing something I love.

  ***

  I get back to my room with just enough time to take a shower before Will comes over. As I’m brushing my hair, I get a text letting me know that he’s downstairs.

  With my hair still damp from my shower, I walk out of my room and take the stairs, opening the door for him when I get to the lobby. He walks through the door, heading straight for me. Smiling seductively, I pull him by the collar of his shirt until my back is against the lobby wall. Bracing his hands on either side of my head, he leans down, his lips moving closer to mine. But I’m impatient and he’s moving too slowly for me. I take his face in my hands and pull him into the kiss, our tongues fighting for control as he moves his hands to lift me by my ass. Wrapping my legs around him, I start to move, grinding my center into his rapidly hardening erection, moaning into our kiss.